Just When You think You've Got It... BOOM!

I was driving to yoga, it was yet another perfect fall day. Life was good, very good in fact. I was feeling completely blissed out as I was on Day 17 of my self-imposed 30 Day Yoga Challenge. I like giving myself Challenges they help me grow. I was feeling centred, balanced and at peace. In fact I was feeling so fine I was thinking why stop at 30? Why not do a 45 Day Challenge? Or even better a 60 Day Challenge, OR EVEN BETTER a 365 Day Yoga Challenge. I mean seriously if I am feeling this freaking good after 17 days can you imagine an entire year of living my yoga. That would be so Badass, it would be like Extreme Yoga…

A Nickleback song came on the radio, I turned it up and rocked out as I continue my drive thinking about Badass Yoga. I saw an orange sign up ahead, it said be prepared to stop. My eyes instantly went to the clock on my dash. It read 9:11 I didn’t have time to stop. I quickly turned off onto the nearest side road to avoid the wait and detoured along the lake. Be prepared to stop I laugh, I don’t have time to stop dudes, I’ve got a date with my mat and it’s going to be a hot one, like 39 degrees (Celsius this is for you my American friends) hot! As I drive by the lake I take the time to notice the beauty of my surroundings because “I am Conscious” The trees look amazing in various shades of yellow, gold, orange and red. I am astounded by the beauty of this place I call home. I now feel blissed out and blessed. Life is good.

as I was on Day 17 of my self-imposed 30 Day Yoga Challenge. I like giving myself Challenges they help me grow. I was feeling centred, balanced and at peace. In fact I was feeling so fine I was thinking why stop at 30? Why not do a 45 Day Challenge? Or even better a 60 Day Challenge, OR EVEN BETTER a 365 Day Yoga Challenge. I mean seriously if I am feeling this freaking good after 17 days can you imagine an entire year of living my yoga. That would be so Badass, it would be like Extreme Yoga… A Nickleback song came on the radio, I turned it up and rocked out as I continue my drive thinking about Badass Yoga. I saw an orange sign up ahead, it said be prepared to stop. My eyes instantly went to the clock on my dash. It read 9:11 I didn’t have time to stop. I quickly turned off onto the nearest side road to avoid the wait and detoured along the lake. Be prepared to stop I laugh, I don’t have time to stop dudes, I’ve got a date with my mat and it’s going to be a hot one, like 39 degrees (Celsius this is for you my American friends) hot!

As I drive by the lake I take the time to notice the beauty of my surroundings because “I am Conscious”The trees look amazing in various shades of yellow, gold, orange and red. I am astounded by the beauty of this place I call home. I now feel blissed out and blessed. Life is good.

I pulled up to the yoga studio, it was 9:20 I had 10 minutes to spare; 365 days crosses my mind, I smile, I’ve so got this. I cruised through the parking lot looking for a parking space, none. Oh shit! I remembered there was a 9:15 class today as well. I exited the lot and began looking for street parking, none. I looked at the clock 9:22 okay, I need to find spot and get into the studio before they lock the doors I thought to myself. I circled around another block, still no spots available. I start feeling stressed, not ideally how one goes into a yoga class, my inside voice says all these delays are a sign, just go home and practice in peace on your deck but suddenly my stress level takes yet another leap. I don’t want to practice at home, I want to practice in the studio, in a hot and sweaty studio surrounded by other hot and sweaty yogi’s. For some odd reason this becomes important to me, very important.

I circled around another block and this time I found street parking, lots and lots of street parking. Awesome! Then I noticed a metre? When did the city start charging for street parking? I hadn’t brought my wallet, I was only going to yoga. I parked and started digging through my ash tray looking for spare change. Nothing but nickles, dimes and pennies because I’ve given all the good stuff; loonies, toonies and quarters (for my American friends these are $1 & $2 dollar coins here in Canada) to those disheveled looking guys who stand on intersection corners holding signs that say stuff like “Broke, Hungry, Traveling” I don’t judge them, I just “donate to the cause” because hey who hasn’t been in that situation as a backpacker? I started pushing buttons on the metre and dropping in my dimes and nickles which drop right back out. I was confused, so I stopped and actually started to read the metre, it only took loonies, toonies and quarters. Of course it does!!

I headed back to my car and drove a couple of blocks away, I found street parking which happily did not require change. If I had not been so pissed off about potentially missing my yoga class I would have been happy. I looked the time 9:25 and jumped out of the car, grabbed my mat and yoga bag and sprint in my flip flops to the studio and raced up the stairs. I made it with just minutes to spare. I had no sooner rolled out my mat when the instructor walked in. She welcomed us all to class and invited us to enjoy the next 60 minutes, enjoy? I felt only aggravation.

The instructor is someone with whom I’ve not taken a class with before. She announced it’s a “flow class” I utter (slightly too loud) my best unimpressed UGH! Being late I didn’t have the time to adjust to the heat of the room. Awesome! Now it would be a harder than usual class. Interestingly my aggravation increases, (so much for my love of challenges) much like the temperature of the room. The teacher is tough, like I mean really tough. I notice she’s buff, like really buff, I now fully understand what the next 60 minutes are going to feel like. I utter another UGH, making sure this one is quieter!

I find it difficult to be present in the postures because I am still feeling pissy about the ordeal of making it to class, the wrong class. The more I go inward to my bitch-self the hotter and harder it gets. Honestly I can’t even stand myself right now. So much for balanced,centred, at peace, blissed out!

I tried to reel myself in, it felt like a losing battle. I started to think that perhaps today was just not my day. Too late, I was there on my mat, time to assess my options:

Option 1) Continue to bitch and moan.

Option 2) Go into child’s pose, admit defeat.

Option 3) Suck it up, be uncomfortable and salvage the moment.

As I consider my options I noticed that I was flanked by a couple of 20 something, very fit young men, jock types. I noticed they were sweating buckets, I noticed their breathing had lost it’s flow which told me they were struggling with holding the pose as well AND joyfully I saw their arms were also beginning to shake. This brought me much pleasure, yes I was still in bitch mode. Then something shifted, I started to laugh. I made the choice to be uncomfortable. My wanting to stop felt good, because I didn’t. I relaxed into the hardness of it, I found myself smiling as I fell out of Dancer’s Pose. I was having fun, the moment had been salvaged!

As I lay in Savasana after class it all became clear, I had gotten ahead of myself. I had gone into my ego and that was the precise moment when it had all started unraveling. 365 days of yoga? Sure it’s a great idea BUT why couldn’t I just be happy with Day 17? Why did I have to attach Badass to my yoga practice? The purpose of practice whether it be for physical or spiritual skills is to build muscle that will sustain us in times of difficulty. Why do I always need to do or be more? The road construction sign was a sign! Be prepared to stop, enjoy this moment. It doesn’t always have to be bigger, better, harder or extreme.

If we only feel Happiness and Peace in moments when we think we’ve got it made, then surely we have to ask ourselves if we’ve really found it. Honestly how big of a deal is it to feel good when life is “perfect” and we feel in control? Anyone can do that. I believe that authentic Happiness and Peace is what happens when in spite of all the stuff/life that happens to us we can still find a way to experience those emotions? When we can relax into the hardness of what we are experiencing and still find something to laugh at, something to be grateful for and something to be happy about, then we will know peace.

348 to go…